found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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