I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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