i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
birth control should be required to get into college
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
