You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize