I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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