my mouth tastes like poor choices
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was like eating out sand paper
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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