I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize