Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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