I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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