so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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