I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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