u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize