I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
