but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
