My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
