some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
