i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
