Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
