I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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