I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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