Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
