Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
