So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize