i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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