How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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