Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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