why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My penis needs a shock collar
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
