the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
