okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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