Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
