The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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