I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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