you guys were way drunker than both of me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
