The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
