You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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