You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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