i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
