Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
