I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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