Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
