Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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