Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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