Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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