I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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