last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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