1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
