okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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