I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
