i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
