a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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