I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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