Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
