Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
