Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
