got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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