Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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