Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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