we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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