Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
