How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
