LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
