OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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