she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
