Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
