I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
