so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
