I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
