Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
